This article explains ways through which you can make efforts to better deal with and overcome insecurities.
Deliberate steps to overcome insecurities
Choose to forgive. Parents become parents when they have children. They are also imperfect people having their own set of troubles and shortcomings. They did based on what they knew. They are not encouraged to trust themselves but work according to everyone else. Society is still a big deal for them so all you can do is to let go. Forgive them and don’t hold any grudges. Also you cannot heal what they went through so don’t hold yourself guilty either. Do this if you can, write down on a sheet of paper what wrong they might have done which cause such a great scar in your heart. Eg. ”you did this to me when I was 6 years old. It made me feel like …….”
Do this for any relationship. Write it out, get it out. Choose to tear the page later.
Acceptance. You are whole in yourself. Embrace each and every part of you. Because they define you. There may be failures, there may be wrong decisions but you made them based on what you thought was best at that particular time. There’s no one who has not made a mistake ever. There may be parts of you which you don’t like. Parts you hide from the world. Your deepest fears, your deepest insecurities… embrace them, address them and send them some love. Be there for yourself even if no one else is.
Positive affirmations. Write down these and paste it on your wall or mirror and speak it out with conviction till it is ingrained in you.” I am worthy, I am whole, I am beautiful, I have the job I love, I am following my passion, I have the relationship I’m happy about, I am smart, I am vibrant, I am kind, I am gentle, I am resilient, I am loud where I have to be, I am proud of me, I am learning, I am evolving, I am growing.”
Practice self approval. It’s nice when someone else approves of you or your actions but since it’s your life which you have to live and learn, practice approving yourself. Know with conviction why you want the things you want and stand firm. You need people, you need love and care but by self approval I mean, you don’t need to completely depend on others. Even if they approve of you or not, you should approve you instead of being ashamed.
Don’t compare. Though growing in an environment where you have been compared to others, this might have become a way of life. Take deliberate measures to snap out of it. Their journey is different from yours. You are unique and marvellous in your own way. Therefore don’t compare about how they look, what they choose to wear, where they choose to dine, who they’re dating and if you are single. Take it easy, build your life according to what you want to do and your own space and time. Comparisons will always lead you to be restless whereas being happy where you are, will make you content. You may not have everything you want but if you look closely, you’ll have everything you need.
Talk to yourself. Remind yourself every reason why you are the best sister-brother, girlfriend-boyfriend, husband-wife, son or daughter etc. What are your true kindest qualities? Why are you a good friend etc? If your lingering around the same words like “you’re stupid”, counter it by saying “I’m smart just that I didn’t have enough knowledge in this particular area, I’ll learn about it”.” When they say “you’re unattractive”, counter it by saying “I’m beautiful to me, I’m working on staying fit so that I remain healthy”. When they say “you’ll never get a good guy or girl”, say “I’m working on being the right guy or girl. I have my flaws and in time I will be with the one perfect for me.” While dealing with mistakes or wrong choices, write why you chose what you chose. Accept it was the best choice you thought back then after weighing all pros and cons, it didn’t work for a specific reason. Through the defeat you will learn not to do certain things or will be careful about certain things. Start over as many times as you want.
Keep good company. Allow only those who accept you just as you are. Who push you to achieve your best self without nagging or criticizing. People who appreciate you in public and discipline you in private. It could be family members or friends or colleagues. We become who we surround ourselves with. So make sure your company is mentally healthy for you. Keep mentors in professional as well as personal life. Someone you can go to for unbiased advice and help in tough situations. Mentors can be anyone you look up to as an inspiration.
Take Time. Everything pans out well in its own time. So give yourself that space to settle. Prioritize your needs as they are of utmost importance. I’m not saying don’t take care of others but in the course, don’t forget yourself.
Consult a counselor. Dealing with insecurities can be hard if you are trying to do it alone. Especially when dealing with forgiveness. Counselling provides a safe space to address those difficult situations and difficult emotions without the fear of being judged or criticized. Your counsellor will help you explore the root from where it all began and together you can work to overcome it. Counselling may not leave you feeling the best after having addressed these emotions but you will certainly feel the change as you release pent up emotions from your mind and body.
I’m sure as you choose to heal, you are breaking free from words, thoughts and toxic people who once held you captive to their thoughts. You are choosing to prioritize yourself as well as share a cordial relationship. You know your failures or broken relationships don’t define you. Therefore embrace the process of healing and evolving.